Hollow
by Estrelle Buscador
Summary: Yami's POV. After the duel in which Yugi's soul was taken by the Seal of Oreikalkos, Yami has been plunged into depression and numbness. On the train, he thinks to himself about what he has lost - and what it has made him.
1. Hollow

Hello all! This is my very first Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic, and I hope it's decent! There was something about the scene where Yami is alone in the train after Yugi was taken away by the Seal of Oreikalcos that struck me - and from that this fanfic was born! I hope I do the character justice.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of its characters.

* * *

_He's gone. And it's all your fault, all your fault, your fault, your fault_ the train choked out as it made its way down the track. It continued to sway as Yami made his way past Téa, apologizing, and into the corridor where he could be alone to think.

_Alone. All alone…_

It hardly seemed real. It couldn't be real. So many times, he had taken control of Yugi's body and dueled, and talked, and moved with his body. But never had he felt so alone in it, except for that heart-stopping moment during the duel with Pegasus. And that was all he felt – alone.

He punched the side of the train car and slowly slid down the wall. He looked at his hand and detachedly looked at the bruise rising red and blue on the knuckles. Why couldn't he feel the pain? He had never shirked at physical pain when the situation called for it, although he did avoid it when possible; but he had suffered a great deal today. The wear and tear of the duel, intensified by the Seal of the Oreikalcos, weighed upon his muscles. He had badly bruised his knees when he fell to the ground in exhaustion and defeat. His body had been flung about like a sack of potatoes. Not to mention, the left side of his face was like a massive bruise after Joey had punched him to try and make him "get a grip." Everything should have been aching. But he didn't feel anything. At all.

_"Yugi? No! What are you doing here?"_

_"It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take me instead."_

_"No! Yugi!"_

And then he was taken, ripping away half of Yami's being, and half of his heart. Where there should have been pain, there was only emptiness. Pain would have been a blessing, but he couldn't even feel that. There was only a great hollowness, not only within his body but seeming to stretch beyond him and reaching to the very expanses of space. Nothing but the foreboding, condemning echo: _your fault…your fault…all your fault._

_I __know__ it's my fault, _he thought as he folded his arms on his legs and laid his head on them. His temple crashed against the Dueling Disk strapped to his arm and reminded him that it was the disk that sent Yugi away – probably forever. A sudden spurt of anger filled him and he felt the urge to rip it off and fling it far away from him, but he hadn't the energy. He instead focused on dispelling the anger – he couldn't let it get out of control again. It made terrible, awful things happen.

_All my fault. It should have been me!_

_Oh, aibou. I am so sorry. So, so sorry. It should've been me. If only I had listened to you. And because I didn't listen to you, you are gone, perhaps forever. I knew that I cared for you like a brother, especially since the duel with Pegasus, but I did not realize just how much you mean to me, until now, when it may be too late._

_You are gone, and you've left behind a hollow half. Without your light, your joy, your friendship to support me, I am nothing but a hollow chasm, folds of darkness upon darkness smothering and swallowing everything._

He could feel a single tear etching its way down his face. _If only our enemies could see the great Pharaoh now._ And yet the thought caused him no shame – let hundreds gawk at his humiliation and dejection, he could endure it. But the thought that Yugi was gone forever – and all because of his own actions – …it was almost unbearable. So he _could_ feel something – he was nothing but a bruised shell, hollow with nothing but emptiness and shame permeating the void.

Joey had said "Snap out of it" and flung Yami to the ground, trying to shock him back into action. Yami knew that their only hope to save Yugi was if he fought on. But…he couldn't. He knew that they desperately missed Yugi – he was their dear friend. Could anyone understand what he had truly lost? Not merely a friend, but his inspirer, his motivation. How could he fight without the inspiration? He couldn't!

….but he had to.

He lifted his head and stared resolutely into space. _I can't see how we can save Yugi from my mistake. But if there's still even the smallest chance that we can rescue him, I've got to take it for his friends. And, of course, for Yugi. Even if it's hopeless, I have to fight – for Yugi's sake._

He felt the train shake and heard his friends cry out in surprise. It was time to go. As he quickly steadied himself against the shaking wall and started to run down the corridor, he realized something. He was still an enormous hollow with Yugi gone, but amongst the shame and emptiness within him, there was a small flicker of hope. There was no time to reflect on it, but he could feel it spurring him on. Yugi's eternal hope had always inspired Yami, now perhaps Yami's hope could save Yugi. And he realized something else.

He didn't feel quite as hollow anymore.

* * *

A/N: Aibou = partner;  
And there it is! Thanks for reading! Now, please push that little review button at the bottom and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but any just mean comments will be sentenced to the Shadow Realm. You have been warned.


	2. Numb

Hello all! This story was originally intended to be merely a one-shot, but with some encouragement from reviewers (especially **Purkayz**, thank you!) I decided to extend it into a three-shot. I hope you enjoy it!  
This scene takes place right after Yami duels Weevil on the top of the train, and Téa and Yami have fallen - somehow safely - onto bushes besides the railroad tracks.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. I am just a fan.

* * *

Yami lay on his back in the bush, looking up into the deep blue of the sky. Everything felt so peaceful, it was hard to believe the chaos that had just happened really happened. But it had. How else could he explain the fact that he was flat on his back by the railroad tracks? Or that he could hear Téa feebly stirring near him? Or how a sudden numbness had come over him, thickening limbs and weighing heavily upon his eyelids? Even so, everything seemed so calm – except the wind blowing overhead that was beginning to intensify into a howl. Wordless, it felt as though it was accusing him, reminding him of the costly mistakes he'd made. And what they had cost…

It all swam before him. The train careening out of control about the track, Téa screaming in terror, and then horribly, the train tumbling off the tracks with Téa and Yami falling after it. Time itself had distorted: the plunge had felt as though it happened too fast for comprehension, but also seemed to have each second frozen in time, mocking the two in their terror.

Yami heard Téa call out to him and he managed to reply. Then Téa spoke no more, and she had fallen unconscious. At least, he hoped she was unconscious and not… As much as he wanted to get up and check on her, he could not find the strength to move his muscles and look for her. He could see bruises in all the expected places, but he could still feel no pain. It was as though he was removed from his body, when in reality he was far too present in a body not rightfully his own. _Yugi…_

What's worse, the small flicker of hope that he had previously felt was nearly gone – stamped out to almost nothing by the conniving fool Weevil. _When I get my hands on him…_

No. He could not let rage have control of him again. He could feel the hollowness envelop him again and felt the shame. After promising himself, after promising Yugi, he'd lost control of his anger and once again terrible things had happened. Weevil had lost his soul, Tea had possibly been wounded fatally, and they could have lost their only chance to save Yugi.

_Yugi – I feel your absence like half of my soul, half of my heart is gone. To move is difficult, to think and reason impossible. You kept me pure and just, and without your presence I feel that the darkness is inexorably pulling me in._

It felt as though the darkness had taken hold of him already – it was so easy for Yami to fly into a rage about Weevil's deception. The moment when Weevil tore the card, the moment that Yami thought he had lost his hikari forever, Yami had lost all his inhibitions and let the rage fill all the hollow spaces. What did he have to live for if Yugi no longer existed? What was the purpose of his being here? There was no Yugi to keep him in check, and without Yugi he didn't care to keep in check. It was selfish of him, yes, but it was true.

And when Weevil revealed that the torn card was useless, Yami should have felt relief, and all the boiling, intoxicating rage should have drained from his senses left so cavernous and hollow by Yugi's absence. And he did feel relief, relief that restarted the little spark of hope within him that Weevil had nearly extinguished with his trickery. But the rage refused to let him go, and he could feel himself attacking Weevil again, and again, and again. Long after the boy could no longer fight back, he ordered the monsters to strike without mercy, and heard the boy's yells without pity. In fact, he was almost enjoying himself. _At least vengeance for Yugi is mine…_

Téa had grabbed onto his arm, begging, pleading for him to stop. He tried to shake her off, determined to avenge Yugi, but she clung onto him. He was about to try harder, and looked right into her face –

And suddenly, it was Yugi's face he was seeing. Yugi grabbing onto his arm in a effort to stop him, pleading for him not to give into his rage and use the Seal of Oreikalcos – because he would be giving in to evil. Yami had violently shaken him off and ignored his fears. He'd looked back at Yugi right before the Seal had blocked him from interfering, and he'd seen the heartbreak and sorrow in his friend's eyes. He had blocked out the shame in the heat of the duel and the rush of his rage, but it came back when Yugi pushed him out of the way and it was too late…

And Yugi's and Téa's faces merged together, fear and sorrow and heartbreak identical in their faces. Seeing their pain, Yami had broken free of his rage – but once again, it was too late. The train had plummeted from the track, Téa was probably severely injured, and their one link to understanding the Seal of Oreikalcos, the one link they had that could help them rescue Yugi was gone – his soul taken far away and his soulless husk of a body fallen who knew where.

The wind continued to howl above him – sorrowful, mournful, and accusing. The wind struck the spots he knew would be most sore and tender, but he was hollow inside and did not feel the pain. The wind caused his hair to fly into his face, his mouth, his eyes, but the numbness was crushing him, suffocating him, and he did not even flinch. However, he could feel the tear running from his eye that soon grew cold on his cheek from the chilling wind. He longed to close his eyes to shut himself away from the hopelessness, but he kept them wide open. _I do not deserve any relief. All that causes me grief is my fault. I have done the unforgivable._

_Aibou, my friend, I have betrayed you. I did not mean to do so, but I have betrayed you. I allowed the rage that took you away to take over me once again – and once again a soul has been lost, a soul that could have helped me save you._

_I feel your loss now more than ever. You always said that I was the stronger of the two of us, and I always told you that your strength was worth much more than you realized. But even I underestimated your strength until now – I don't know how I can do this without you. I __must__ find a way to save you...but I don't know how…_

And that was the last thought he had before he heard strange footsteps come from behind him, and then the numbness claimed him and he knew no more.

* * *

A/N: So there you are, the second part of my three-shot. I hope that you enjoyed it! Yami just seems so emotionally raw at this particular time that I wanted to get into his head to try and imagine the suffering he is undergoing.  
Please review and let me know what you think! As always, constructive criticism is welcome, but purely mean comments will be sentenced to the Shadow Realm.


	3. Feeling

Hello, readers! Here is the third and final part of this fanfic. This part was the one I was most excited about and, predictably, the one I was most nervous about writing. It takes place during the Yami/Yugi duel when Yami is on the way to rescue Yugi's soul. This duel is one of my favorites because it shows sides of both duelists that we don't see very often.  
I'd also like to thank **Purkayz **for encouraging me to continue writing this. Thanks so much!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of its characters. Which is probably a given.

* * *

"Yugi! Stop! What are you doing here?"

"It only needs one of us. So, I'm letting the Seal take me instead."

"No! Yugi!"

Yami bolted upright screaming from his sleep, and looked around him. _Was that really just a dream_? Instantly, the emptiness dominating him mocked him for being so foolish. If it was only a dream, Yugi would be with him. And if Yugi was with him, he'd feel complete and whole. But he did not feel whole, and when he attempted to call out to his friend, all he could hear was his own voice echoing until it was swallowed up by the hollow darkness within his soul. Without Yugi's warm presence within his heart, he felt dull, cold, and unfeeling. The coldness and hollowness could not be a dream, although he would give anything to make it so.

He looked towards Téa and was about to wake her when an enormous white beast bounded into the tent and leapt onto her. Yami yelled out in shock. Had they escaped from one life-threatening situation only to fall victim to another? But Téa 's laughter rang reassuringly in his ears and he felt his half-heart cease its thundering.

A young girl came into their tent, and asked them to follow her to the man who had saved them after the train crash. Yami could feel himself nodding and walking, but his mind was elsewhere. He greeted his rescuer respectfully, but he was unable to display the gratitude that he should have been feeling. But then, he couldn't feel anything.

'Loneliness,' that man said? If he was capable of humor, or sarcasm, or feeling, he might have laughed sarcastically at that. Loneliness seemed too simple a word for what he was experiencing. His soul had been ripped in two. An intense cold had filled the space where his hikari's light had once resided, the warmth that had once supported, strengthened, and inspired him. Breathing was laborious and difficult; he was taking in enough air for both of them but only requiring half, and deserving none of it. He felt like the basest kind of thief, stealing everything away from one who showed him nothing but kindness, friendship, and respect. Everything he did reminded him of Yugi, which reminded him of Yugi's sacrifice, which reminded him of his own betrayal. The word 'loneliness' did not come even close to describing what he felt. He bit back the retort that was on his tongue and sighed. _This man is just trying to be helpful – indeed, he has already helped more than most strangers would. Besides, I __am__ lonely._

The man, Ironheart, was asking him what he would do if he found Yugi's soul. "I'll apologize for betraying his trust, and abandoning him." To his own ears, he sounded hollow and ineffectual. "I ignored your fears and advice, even though you were entirely correct, and my mistake took your soul away. You sacrificed yourself to save me, who had sworn to you that I would always protect you. I'm sorry." Who would accept that kind of apology? Few people had the capacity to be that forgiving – if anyone had it, it would be Yugi. _But will he forgive me? I would understand if he does not – but I want to have the chance to ask him, to rescue him from the consequences of my actions. I do not deserve forgiveness, but if I could see him and get him safely away, that would be enough. _He bit his lip. _At least I __think__ it would be enough._

But could he live with a hikari who hated him? Would he be able to bear never speaking or laughing with his friend again? Because if Yugi never wished to speak with him, he would honor that wish, no matter how much it would hurt him. At least he could feel whole and warm again with Yugi restored to him. He shook his head. _I'm being selfish, Yugi's safety is all that matters – my own happiness is nothing to that._

He mentally shook himself and forced himself to listen. He was glad he did, for he received the most welcome news he could've received – there was a chance to save Yugi! His rage had not destroyed all hope as he had feared. If he could feel at all, joy would have briefly coursed through his heart, but all he noticed was that the terrible numbness on him lessened slightly. He followed the man as though in a daze – although he could hear himself responding to Ironheart's instructions, only one thought echoed through his mind; _There is a chance to save Yugi. I am coming, Aibou._

There they stood before a strange valley where he would see Yugi. The anticipation of finding his friend at last made it difficult to breathe, and it warred with a sudden jolt of fear and trepidation that he might fail once again at protecting his hikari. Somehow, he calmly agreed to the challenge. Then his anticipation won, and he desperately yelled to Yugi, running down the steep slope. _I'm coming, Yugi! _He stood at the bottom and looked around, feeling the faintest strain of something familiar. _I sense you, Yugi. I know you're here. Please help me find you._

Thunder crashed around him and the wind grew into a furious screech as he walked to the center of the valley. The ground itself seemed angry. Only for his friends would he go to such a place. But the terrors the valley threw at him didn't even make him flinch, and the spirit voices did not make him waver. _I have to save Yugi. _He numbly walked through the ghosts of his past that appeared before him, trying to fill him with fear. But, of course, he could not feel it and continued without hesitation, until –

Yugi's face flashed across his mind. "I'm letting the Seal take me instead." Yami stopped dead. That presence…it must be Yugi! Small beams of light all converged in front of him and he had to shield his eyes for a moment. When he looked back, he saw the increasingly solid form of someone he knew better than he knew himself.

Yugi. Yugi was standing there before him, looking weary but whole and unharmed. Yami's heart felt suddenly light, and he rushed forward to embrace his friend. Finally, he could have the chance to feel Yugi's presence again. The chance to feel complete and capable of taking on their opponents – together – again. As he reached for his hikari, he was almost happy. He stepped forward, reached to hug Yugi – and fell forward. As he looked behind him to see Yugi looking back, unshaken, he could feel all the heaviness consume his heart again. _What is going on?_

Yugi was equally surprised – but surprised that Yami had come looking for him. That made no sense. _I came 'all this way?' Aibou, you've gone all the way to Dartz's lair and back, and you talk about the distance __I__ traveled? And that aside, Aibou, how could I not come? You are my friend, my hikari! How do you not understand this?_

Yugi's normally bright, cheerful eyes were dull, and it seemed as though a great sadness had overcome him. Yami's heart fell. _What horrors have befallen you, hikari? _He began to apologize and Yugi dully replied. Then he turned towards Yami and did something he had never done before. He yelled at Yami.

It was as though a cold, ragged dagger had plunged into Yami's heart and was being slowly drawn out, the ragged edges catching on the flesh of his heart, so cold it burned him. He'd thought that seeing Yugi so weary and dejected was the worst sight he'd ever see; he was wrong. He'd thought that the accusations he had berated himself with were the most agonizing things he'd ever hear; he was wrong. He was in more agony than he'd thought possible as Yugi wheeled towards him and accused him of all things he'd already accused himself with. Although he knew he did not deserve forgiveness, he realized that he'd been expecting it. To see Yugi's usually friendly gaze become hardened and angry, and his normally compassionate voice choked with bitterness broke what remained of his heart. _Yugi, what have I done to you?_

He could only lamely repeat, "I'm sorry."

Yami did not want to fight Yugi. He did not want to fight the one who'd stood by his side through every battle insane destiny insisted on dragging them though, the one he'd sworn to protect. He'd already hurt Yugi with his betrayal and ignorant pride - he did not want another blow to come to Yugi, especially by his hand. But Yugi had said that if he was truly sorry, he would fight, and so Yami had to accept the challenge. He had to make amends, although he could not see how this battle could possibly help either of them.

Yugi wasn't Yugi. He was being cold and cruel, saying things that he knew would wound Yami to his core. He was the same as Yami, he said, and so the darkness within Yami's heart was also in his heart. Yami's heart nearly stopped. _Is my darkness…really that strong? So strong it could overpower your presence and light, hikari? No, you are strong – if my darkness has overwhelmed you, it is because of the Seal and it cannot last. I must rescue you, and then your light will shine once again._

Yugi suddenly sounded eerily triumphant. Yami looked at what he was doing, and stopped breathing. No. It couldn't be…Yugi wouldn't use that card. Yugi smirked at the look on his face and called out sarcastically, "Looks like you're starting to catch on, aren't you, your highness?" Yami was taken aback. Yugi knew that card was evil – that's what he told Yami. He'd lost his mind, he was going crazy, he was…doing exactly what Yami had done.

A demonic red glint dominated Yugi's once gentle purple eyes and the green mark seared its way onto his forehead. His taunting was becoming worse and his eyes glittered with malicious amusement. But still, Yami couldn't bear to fight Yugi. He tried to talk sense into him, but Yugi was beyond hearing.

"Yugi! Don't! If I lose, how can I ever set you free?"

"Who cares? You're evil." Yami winced, hearing that from the person who always assured him otherwise stung him to the bone. "Last time, you didn't care who suffered!"

Yami blanched in shame. _I ignored the suffering in my rage. But I never forgot it – it haunts my dreams and every waking moment…Yugi, how can you believe I don't care?_

The enormous force of Yugi's attack was almost upon Yami – he had to activate the trap card so he could win the duel. But how could he attack his friend? His mind was in a state of turmoil.

He had to win.

But he couldn't hurt Yugi. Not again!

If he loses the duel, he loses all chance to save Yugi.

He couldn't.

He had to.

He couldn't…

Yami growled in frustration and yelled out, "Activate trap card – Divine Wind!" He watched in horror as Yugi was hit all the force of the spell, suspended in the air by its might before he crumpled to the ground. _How could I? What have I done?_ When the smoke cleared, he ran desperately to Yugi. This was worse than watching Yugi's soul get taken away. The scratches and bruises all over his friend's body were caused by him, and he could not blame any other influence for his actions this time. He knelt down beside Yugi and reached down to lift him up. By some miracle, he now could touch Yugi, and supported his back and head. Already he could feel the soothing warmth of his hikari's spirit touching his soul, but how long would it last? Yugi's eyes were still closed. "Speak to me, please!"

Yugi opened his eyes, and Yami saw the gentle, compassionate gaze he was used to, a light so strong that the demonic red glint only now disappearing from his eyes did nothing to taint it. Yugi smiled. "You passed the test, pal."

"What are you saying? Did you plan this all along?"

"It was the only way. By defeating me, you defeated the darkness within your heart. It wasn't easy, but you did what was best for me and for mankind. You acted like a true hero." Yugi placed his hand on Yami's arm, and Yami finally felt whole, at least for an instant.

Tears pooled in Yami's eyes. "Now what?"

"Don't give up this fight," his aibou whispered hoarsely but encouragingly. "Remember, I'm always with you."

And then Yugi disappeared in a ball of light. Yami felt the light burst in his arms, and then he realized something.

He hurt.

Everything hurt. The bruises, the bumps, the scrapes covering his body screamed with pain. The agony of betraying a friend, finding him, and then losing him again seared through his heart. The shame for letting his rage take control pulsed through his veins.

He could feel.

He could feel the light of his hikari and the warmth of his spirit that Yugi had left behind with him. Not the vibrant presence he was sustained with – it was really a parody of Yugi's true strength – but it was enough to force the hollow darkness engulfing his being back a little bit. Only a little light is needed to conquer darkness. He felt determination, courage, and hope. And he could still feel a piece of Yugi's presence – he truly was still with him.

_Thank you, Yugi. For strengthening me and for restoring the hope I'd lost. I can save you, and I will._

And it was this certainty that could make Yami stand and shout in the hopes that Yugi could hear him, "I'll save you! No matter what it takes." _No matter how long. Or how far I must go. I'll save you, I promise._

And for the first time, he truly felt like he could.

* * *

A/N: And here we are at the end. Ever since I saw this arc of the cartoon, I noticed that Yami is in an uncharacteristic funk (understandably so) from the time Yugi's soul is taken to the end of this episode. To me, it seems like he is still worried, but no longer in his funk after this episode, and I like to think that its this encounter and encouragement from Yugi that gets him past it. I could be wrong, but that's how I see it, and why I find that stopping here makes sense. Yami is so emotionally vulnerable at this point that I couldn't resist a challenge to venture into his thoughts and imagine what he was thinking. So here's the result.

I really hope you enjoyed it! Please please push the button down there and review! Let me know what you think. Thanks again for reading!


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